Honestly did not know how to begin writing this post. I reflect almost every day and it comes easy but writing this post was a bit difficult. Where do I start? I started with 3 different titles and ended up with the one above. I have learned a lot about myself especially in the past eight months. Here are things I’ve learned:
Give but do not give so much of yourself that you neglect self care– One of the things I learned is that I’m too giving. I give too much of myself to people and that has caused me heartbreaks. I was never careful on who I gave my all to because of acceptance, this wanting of being accepted by people. I had the mindset that if I gave my all to the people in my life, they would give me love and care. But I was wrong. It caused me to isolate myself a lot. To the point where I became lonely even though I had people. I couldn’t tell people in my life what I was going through. I’m not saying do not give, but it’s important to make yourself a priority. It is draining giving your all to people. Before you give your time, love, and care to others, give those things to yourself first. You feel me?
Stop bottling your emotions- I learned that I am terrible at communicating the way I feel (but I been knew this). Usually, I bottle a lot of things up without realizing the self-damage. It’s never healthy to keep things to yourself. One day, you will come to a point where you just feel like crying and you can’t stop. No seriously, you just can’t stop crying. Your emotions are not meant to be withheld and bottled up. They are meant to be expressed. Whenever I had problems with someone in my life, they would never know that I had a problem with them because I never expressed how I felt. That’s horrible, I know. But, I think I am somewhat getting better at communicating the way I feel. It’s a working progress to be honest. But you need to communicate. You need to feel comfortable in telling people how you feel. Most importantly though, do not hold it all in. Let it out from time to time and it is okay to cry, slap someone (actually don’t do this), throw your phone at a wall (don’t do this as well… please), or sit and just breath. Find your support system, the people who are there to listen, hug you or give you food when you’re in pain and hurting.
Whoever is meant to be in your life will be in your life (whether good or bad)- Stop holding on to people that do not want to be in your life. It just brings you down. Take a pair of scissors and cut the string that bonds you and that person. The person who didn’t want to be in your life probably did that for you already. They probably let the string go, now it’s your turn. You know when someone is meant to be in your life. YOU KNOW. People will walk away and you will feel hurt, but you have to let them go. You have to make room for other people to come into your life. But you must also realize that your focus should be on those that are already in your life. Those who really care for you. And, I say whether good or bad because those who are meant to be in your life are not always good, they could be bad as well. They could bring you down constantly and be very toxic, but they are there to teach you lessons and help you grow. However, they are only there for a short period of time. I’m saying this from my own experience.
Life is full of surprises (good and bad)- There have been times when I wanted to give up on a lot of things. Eight months ago, I was put in a situation that I never thought I would be in. Actually, I put myself in that situation. Yeah, I will admit to that. This situation changed the way I think about myself and the people around me. Because I put myself in that situation, I ended up hurt. However, from this situation, I picked myself up and continued with my life. I thought that everything was going to go downhill after the situation but it didn’t. It turned out to be better. During that time, I was receiving recognition for all the hard work I’ve been doing. That recognition reminded me of my true potential. I couldn’t let one situation dictate my life. Life really is full of surprises, you never know what will happen. Yet, it doesn’t mean you give up. You pick yourself back up because eventually you overcome these situations, and you grow.
Love Thyself- When I tell you self love is hard… for others, it comes naturally but for people like me, it’s a struggle. I struggled a lot when it came to loving myself. I would love everyone else but myself. This has caused me to be so hard on myself. Loving yourself is not just about loving your physical characteristics, but it’s about loving EVERYTHAAAAANG about yourself. Your beauty, interests, intelligence, flaws, and other characteristics that define you. Earlier this year, I started putting post it notes on my mirror. Each one has a quote that I wrote when I was at my lowest or at my highest. In one quote, I wrote: “Stop comparing yourself to others. Love yourself.” It’s hard for me because I was always brought down by people closest to me. I let their words take over me without even realizing it until now. Everyday I try to tell myself that I am a good person and a goal of mine is to be a good person. You’re not a narcissist for loving yourself. Anyone who tells you that you are can catch these hands. But I digress.
I learned more things but I think this is enough. I’m grateful for the things I’ve learned these past months. I encourage you to do some self reflecting as well. Thank me later. I’m going to go drink some coffee and binge watch Scandal all over again. Don’t judge me, I am engaging in self care. But I’ll leave you with this:
Thank you for reading. Written by: Diaka Thiam 🙂
The Life of an African Girl in America 