“What will happen if I lose this person?”
Who was it that said moving on was one of the easiest things to do? No seriously, who was it?
Moving on from any type of relationship is quite interesting. I’ve done it multiple times and let me tell you, the people who are no longer in my life needed to leave. It was time for them to go. But I’m talking about moving on as if it’s an easy process. As if it is baking brownies or solving an algebra equation. No, it’s really not that easy. Moving on from anything is like separating from the things you’re used to, the things you’re attached to, and the things you know. Yet, why do we talk about it as if it’s so damn easy? Why do we go on social media and say, “It’s time to cut all these people. I’m cutting these toxic people out of my life.” HELLOO? This is easier said than done.
Think about it. You’re in a relationship/friendship with someone. They become part of your daily routine. If you’re like me, you become attached to them because you love their company. You love being around them and it gives you this constant high. Yes, it gives you this high. You become so used to this person, you don’t ever pause to think, “what will happen if I lose this person? What will happen if this person leaves me? What will happen if I no longer want this person in my life?” Or maybe you do. However, something then happens which causes you and this person to stop talking to one another. Something causes you to delete this persons number. Something causes you to block this person on all forms of social media (this is not considered to be petty). Something causes these things. And guess what?
You now have to move on.
I am currently in this weird stage of “moving on.” Recently ended a friendship and a relationship. I’m not going to lie, it feels great. Yet, I now have to readjust things in my life. The routine I had with this person is now just a memory. I don’t know how to move on. I thought I did but I think we mistake the moving on process as being easy. In this case, the process of moving on is deleting the person’s number, deleting the pictures of this person, blocking them on all forms of social media, and never talking to them again. To others, this may seem easy but is it really? What do you do with the feelings you had for this person? What happens to all the memories you had with this person?
To me, that’s not the process. I can do all that, yet it doesn’t mean I’ve moved on from this person. We sometimes forget that people come into our lives for a reason. Some come into our lives for a season and others for a long time. I’ve said this before, we learn something from every person that comes into our life, whether our experience with this person is good or bad. Moving on means taking the lessons you’ve learned from this person and using it. Moving on means focusing on the things that really matter now. Moving on means not only readjusting to things, but accepting the change that comes with it. Moving on means constantly reflecting and being aware of your emotions. Sometimes, when people are no longer in our lives, we tend to have this bitterness in our hearts. If you let this bitterness and hatred stay in your heart for a while, it will only get worse.
Someone wise once told me, “Do not make someone your world, make them part of your world.” Make the person a part of your world. I made the mistake of making this person my world. I was lost for a bit without them being in my life but I think I will be okay. I’m accepting the change that comes with ending a friendship and a relationship. You have to be able to give yourself time. Although I may feel lonely now, I’d rather feel this way than to have people who weren’t meant to be in my life stay for long. If they stayed any longer, I wouldn’t be at peace.
For you, moving on could mean something totally different. And that my friend is okay. As long as you are taking care of yourself, and are accepting of change. It’ll be okay. And you may get to a point where you want that person back in your life, but remember the why. Why they left, why you left, and why you had to move on.
I’ll leave you with this quote:
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
Written by Diaka Thiam. Thank you for reading! 🙂