Omg, what is this? Consistency? No way! Hello my wonderful readers, I hope you are all well. How are you feeling? Are you feeling the feelings? All the emotions you’ve been suppressing? Holding off? Convincing yourself that you are okay when you are not?

There are days when I cannot explain or even understand my emotions. If I do not understand what I am feeling at the moment, I put it off. Reminding myself to come back to it, but never do. All the feelings begin to pile up, and come back to me by force. It usually takes one moment, one situation, or one word for me to give in. To feel the feelings. All of them.

This may be the case for some, but for others who actually take the time to understand their emotions at the moment, not so much. Back in college, people used to tell me how positive I was. In my head, I took it as a compliment. Who doesn’t want to be positive? But, there was something I didn’t realize at the time. I was engaging in toxic positivity. Yet, I wasn’t the only one. The people who continuously mentioned my positivity are to blame as well. I mean, how can someone be positive every day?

I would push my “negative” feelings aside. Whenever I showed any type of sadness or anger, people would comment, “You’re not your usual self today.” So, what is my usual self like?

It bothered me a lot. I began to hide my true emotions. I would plaster a smile on my face and just go about my day. But, when I returned home, the tears would escape and I suddenly became vulnerable. I wasn’t being honest to myself.

I struggled for a while, especially when I came to a realization that I wasn’t being honest. I let my emotions pile up once again, not really taking the time to explore them. It was after college, when I was no longer surrounded by people who encouraged my toxic positivity, that I finally decided to stop. Journaling how I felt was key. No matter how I was feeling, I would pick up my journal and write. I was inconsistent for a bit, but that’s okay. While journaling, I would reflect a lot on everything happening in my life, but also outside of my life.

Here are some ways you can feel the feelings:

• Reflect and choose something to help document your reflection.
  • This can be through anything. Some people prefer journaling. Others prefer creating art. Maybe creating a playlist of how you feel at the moment. Or, writing a letter to yourself.
• Move your body.
  • Sometimes to feel the feelings and to let them go, you want to move your body. I switch it up depending on how I am feeling. If I am feeling sad, I will do yoga. If I am feeling joy and energetic, I will choose my favorite dance playlist and dance. If I am feeling angry or stressed, I will do a 30 minute exercise to let it all out. Find out what works for you.

• Talking to someone.
  • This can be anyone, even you! You can also talk to a therapist. Therapy is effective. If therapy is not an option due to any reason, then maybe a friend or someone close to you. Sometimes, talking to yourself can be helpful. Hearing yourself talk about how you are feeling helps.

Be mindful. Try your best to feel the feelings. Just try. I am learning everyday to feel my feelings. I’m not going to lie and say, it’s been an easy process, but hey, I am trying. If you want to add any suggestions to the list above, please reach out! If you are looking for resources, let me know!

As always, thank you for reading.

Written by Diaka Thiam

If you want to reach out, email me at deethiam@gmail.com.